ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My vagina is officially offended.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize