it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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