just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
