the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
