There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
