Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this will be a night to untag.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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