I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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