i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
