im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am one with the molecules
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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