More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
