Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
