Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
