Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
is that a dick in a sweater?
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