Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
