I wish you could order shots online.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
