I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
