what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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