We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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