Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize