Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
