he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
