The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
