All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
