Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
