last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my vag is so smooth its legendary
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
