Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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