Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize