I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
