I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
