thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
