I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
