Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
