Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
