when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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