you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
