help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize