do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize