Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
