apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
