I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
