I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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