i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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