Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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