he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
