Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
