Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
