Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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