Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
