I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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