I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
