No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
