The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
