Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
