i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't deserve a penis
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize