My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We had sex on a dog bed..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
