You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize