i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
