I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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