he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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