ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize