I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
