i'm signing you up for texting rehab
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
