There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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