I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
