Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
