The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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