There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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