from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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