Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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