you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let's paint friendship bongs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
