I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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