he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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