There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
