I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize