that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
