I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
