Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
