she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
