you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize