This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
