dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
