My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just want nice things and good sex
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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