If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
