Will you blow on my dice?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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