Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
