If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
