I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The struggles of a small town man whore
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