just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
