Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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