they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
