We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
