if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
