i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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