Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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