I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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