my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
