My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We had to coat check the pizza.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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